The Abuse

I figure those of you out there that read this will want to know what exactly happened. Here is a quick run down on the abuse I have ecountered during my life.

At the age of five, my cousin and her friend kissed me for an extended period and I became aroused. This is one of my first memories.
At the age of seven, one of my best friends (an older boy) decided I was to be his "hooker". He raped me on numerous occasions and was physically abusive.
At the age of ten, another friend decided to touch me sexually during several sleepovers while I was asleep. He did this several times, inserting his penis into my anus while I was asleep. And, yes, each time, I woke up.

So, there you have it. The nitty gritty details. I have put them down here in a very simple way as to not confuse the matter. I have been asked already: "Did it really happen?" Yes, it did and I am sorry it did. I don't ever wish this kind of pain on anyone. I am tired of this stuff. I want it to be over.

I want it to be gone.

I don't know what else to say about this subject. If you have ever been intimate with someone, take that image, turn it ugly - and there you have it. A sexual experience that wasn't really something special. I wish sex was something special to me, but it is really more of a physical act. This I am trying to correct, but it is a long road - or, at least, it has been for me.

I think over the years, the pain of the act itself has gone away. Or, it has been dealt with. What I am most concerned about is whether or not I am prepared to be "normal". I don't really know what normal is.

Thus, I shall continue tomorrow.